Road to Marriage

The picture above is a classic joke, portraying a failed marriage at it’s best. It reminds me of people’s reaction towards my decision to get married.

It’s funny how people would say things like “Dah ready ke?” and “fikir masak-masak” and stuff like that. There are even those who go as far as “alah belum kahwin boleh lah”. Those who said these words are either older than me, or have gone through the marriage phase, or both. Most of them, however, are women.

Maybe to them, there are no problem with those statements. Maybe to them, they are just ‘sharing their wisdom’. However, there are differences between ‘wisdom sharing’ and ‘demoralizing’.

The Issue

By spraying negative ideas such as “belum kahwin memang macam tu, dah kahwin nanti tunggu je lah..”, you’re actually demoralizing people. It’s just the same as if you’re saying to those who just learned how to wear the hijab :

“Pakai hijab? Pakai hijab ni nanti dah tak boleh keluar hu-ha-hu-ha. Dah ready ke? Dah prepare?”

If the person backs out from the marriage, who will be held responsible? I’m bloody sure the person who spoke such words will run away with his/her tails between his/her leg. Stating negative statements also implies that your marriage is in trouble. I mean c’mon, from WHERE do you get the idea that “sebelum kahwin memang macam tu, lepas kahwin tunggu je lah”? From your friends’ cousin’s uncle’s nephew’s niece’s daughter’s family? Nope. It subtly implies that your marriage is in that situation or you have been in that situation. Hence, you have the nerve and the confidence to say such thing. You’re just channeling/shifting your anger/frustration unto an innocent person.

The Solution (according to my non-educated-not-yet-mature-opinion-as-claimed-by-others)

To me, sharing your wisdom means sharing the solution to any marriage problems that people might be facing. Instead of saying :

“kau kahwin nanti, perempuan tu mesti berubah punya. Daripada diam jadi kuat membebel. Kau dah ready ke nak terima?”

you could say :

“Perempuan memang kuat membebel lah bro. Kalau wife kau membebel nanti, kau diam je. Itu cara dia lepaskan penat. Dia pun bukannya ada sesiapa. Ada kau je pun.”

Get my point?

The Conclusion. (I know, it’s freaking boring) 

Lastly, I believe that the Prophet s.a.w. himself never spoke such words to those who walked up to him (s.a.w) and told him (s.a.w) that they wanted to get married. I believe that the Prophet (s.a.w.) motivates marriage, so much so that he (s.a.w) told us that :

‘The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed”. (Mishkat)

I truly treasure and honor any advice coming from those who have endure the hardship, but please say it so that people would be motivated to do the good things even though it’s hard and arduous. If you don’t have anything good to say, please, do not burden people with your negative comments/thoughts. Preparing for marriage is hard enough, handling negative/sarcastic remarks and such will only makes it worst.

If you cannot say anything which is good, please abstain you from saying those which will demoralized/hurt people.

picture source here